This week on “Make a Mess,” my creativity blog, I wrote about looking outside myself for answers. I assumed that other people knew better what I needed and wanted. And I assumed that those people also deserved to have a say. (Many of them did not.)
Unwittingly, I placed the power that belonged to me in their hands. Not only did I often remove myself from the discussion, I removed myself from the entire room.
But here’s a vital realization: We have the answers inside us. They are within. We just need to listen.
(Of course, sometimes, we need extra support in helping us access the answers that serve us — particularly if you’re engaging in self-destructive behaviors. Then it’s best to seek professional help, obtaining support to help you stop these habits and refocus on yourself and your true needs and desires.)
When listening to ourselves we might be out of practice. We might need to sharpen our listening skills. For instance, you might start by getting quiet. By getting still. These are some suggestions for accessing stillness, for quieting any racing thoughts, so you can dig underneath to your core. After practicing each suggestion, write down the thoughts or reactions that arise.
- Put on your headphones, and turn on classical or any instrumental music. Close your eyes, and listen for at least 5 minutes.
- Light a candle. Watch the flame for several minutes, without doing anything else.
- Take slow, deep breaths.
- Practice your favorite stretches.
- Practice gentle yoga, such as trying this pose; this pose; this pose; and/or this pose.
- Listen to a guided meditation. A clinician I recently interviewed for a piece on eliminating recurring nightmares suggested these free resources: BYU Counseling and Psychological Services; University of Western Sydney Counseling Service; Harry S. Truman Memorial Veterans’ Hospital; Dartmouth College Student Health Promotion and Wellness.
- Focus on one sense. For instance, focus on the scents around you. Or focus on feeling the surfaces beneath your feet or hands, the blanket you’re using, or even the pen you’re writing with.
If you’re trying to figure out a decision, try these suggestions:
- Create a list of pros and cons for each potential option. Also, think about how each decision feels in your body. How does your body react to each choice? What thoughts arise when you contemplate each choice? What emotions arise? Anxiety? Excitement? Sadness? Anger? Happiness?
- Write the question you’re struggling with at the top of your journal. Then start journaling whatever thoughts arise about the question: your fears, concerns, impressions and other questions.
If you’re practicing listening to yourself every day, try these suggestions:
- Several times a day, stop and write down how you’re feeling and the thoughts going through your mind.
- In the evening, review your day and think about when you listened to yourself and when you didn’t. Do you see any patterns in these situations? Maybe you have a hard time listening to yourself around certain people. You blurt out “yes” to things you don’t want to do, because they intimidate you, or you’re worried they won’t like you. What can you do differently so you do listen to yourself?
Again, don’t forget about you. Don’t forget to actually ask yourself what you want, what feels good, what works, what doesn’t, what you need, what your dreams are. Don’t discount yourself. Don’t remove yourself from the decision-making process. Don’t leave the room.
Instead, get quiet. Get still. Look inside. Look within.
What helps you listen to yourself?
Stay tuned tomorrow for more ways to listen to ourselves. I hope you’re having a wonderful Saturday!